I hate myself....I want to just end the suffering..to live is to suffer

I wrote a Long heart tearing emotional Post, but I couldnt post it because I was affraid that I would hurt the person I love the most...I just want to stop the pain in my heart....my heart still hurts all the time..and not because of you darling...Because of all my past hurts, I always hurt, im always worried about being more hurt, Im so scared...I even know im going to be hurt again...but why does it have to be by you..?